There seem to be so many sweet reminders of the Christmas season all around us if we only take time to notice and see.
My mind has been drifting to Christmas's past. There are so many warm and fun memories of my childhood and married life. One that sticks out in my mind is the first Christmas we spent in Japan, alone with no family. I was determined to make it special, setting traditions that would continue for years to come. I started prepping, decorating the home, buying presents, formulating the Christmas Eve dinner.
It was a few days before Christmas, rain was pouring down. I was on base waiting for Derek to pick me up at the commissary. He was late. I waited, and waited. Finally, he called. A taxi driver had ran into the side of our van. And, Derek wasn't feeling good, a little sick. He had to stand in the rain to work things out with the police officer and the taxi driver who did not speak any English. Oh man, how could this happen? Not good timing.
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| Our poor car...notice the drivers wheel is on the left side. |
The next morning Derek was worse. We took him to the base hospital. He had pneumonia. What?!?. This was our Christmas. The one that would set the precedence for all to come. And, Derek was out of commission. It was on me now.
Christmas Eve came, I slaved away making an amazing fondu dinner. I prepared tons of food. Decorated the table, set the food out, called everyone to dinner. I was the only one who ate. Noah and Gabe (ages 4 and 2) were not too interested in the food. Derek had not appetite, just another high fever. I was exhausted after hours of work. I wanted to cry. This was not what I imagined it would be. I was sad, and a little angry.
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| Christmas PJ's |
We danced around the Christmas tree singing carols and opened up pajamas and one present. Then I tucked them in. I wondered, is this what it is like as a mother? Feeling tired, overwhelmed and depleted on Christmas Eve? I wanted to be a child again, taking in the wonders of Christmas time and wondering if I would hear reindeer on the roof.
I went to bed with a heart that was heavy and three sizes too small.
The next morning, the kids awoke with excited smiles and enthusiasm. We headed down the stairs to our little sitting room that was full of gifts that Santa left. Derek, still very sick, made his way down the stairs too.
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| sick Derek, he lost 15 pounds that Christmas. |
Noah and Gabe jumped with joy. Their smiles and laughter filled the home. And, somehow my heart softened. I noticed the nativity that was purchased in Bethlehem years earlier. I thought of the Savior, His example of service, love and giving. And, I realized that I had only been thinking of me. Too busy trying to make the holidays perfect, that I forgot what Christmas was all about. I surely missed out on the joy of the season, and I had soured it for myself. I vowed to never let that happen again. I soaked in the rest of the day. No longer angry at Derek for being sick, no longer disappointed for a failed Christmas Eve dinner. Just very grateful for a forgiving Heavenly Father, and His loving son Jesus Christ.
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| Christmas Morning |
The Christmas season is still busy. And, I still don't get everything done that I want to. And, things don't always go according to plan. But, whenever I look back to our first Christmas alone, I have feelings of gratitude for a lesson learned and for a season that is about what we give, and not what we receive. And, for the reminder of our Savior Jesus Christ, for His humble birth and perfect example.
